Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I am old enough to know better.
I should have realized it a ton of years ago, but I had a revelation this weekend that was very helpful.
The thing is, I think everyone else already knows this about me and I am just figuring it out. I feel like I have been standing on a platform in front of a whole Bunch of people with my pants unzipped and everyone can see things that they shouldn't! It is an awful feeling.
I am an expresser.
That is who I am and it makes me cry to think about it.
I think I am probably a leader/expresser which is even more potent.
There are good things about expressers ... it isn't all bad ... but it is much more vulnerable to be one.
I probably make more mistakes with my tongue than most people.
I know that I do. And I don't like that part about being an expresser.
My heart is an open book. I tell about it. What I feel, what I like, what I see ... what is on my heart finds its way to my tongue.
When I don't feel that I have freedom to share I feel all locked up inside. It is a prison of sorts and I feel miserable.
Sometimes I don't know who to trust. If I show others those precious things that are in my heart they have the ability to stomp all over them. And they do ... sometimes ... so I close up and I get all miserable again. It is a painful cycle.
The analytical can pounce on everything said. I have learned that my heart needs a shield from them. I must be wise with the buffer I choose.
Being an expresser doesn't mean that I can't keep a secret. I can and do. I want to be trusted because I want to be able to trust. My own life is the open book.
This is helping me to understand myself a lot better and I am understanding others as well.
Have you ever taken an LEAD test? (Leader/Expresser/Analytical/Dependable) Do you know what you are? How do you feel about it?
The thing is, the Lord made me to be an expresser. What a responsibility! Did He know what He was getting into? The tongue is hard to tame ... for anyone! Oh, but how difficult for an expresser! He and I are going to talk about it this morning. I will let you know what He says!
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal." 1 Corinthians 13:1
" ... be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath ..."
"For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body."
"Look upon me and be merciful to me, as your custom is toward those who love Your name." Psalm 119:132